Category: Dating and Relationships
Hey guys.
I don't come on here much, but just comteplating something, and was here, so thought I'd write some thoughts down.
Is there really, one right person out there for everyone? It seems that I have been in this dating game for a while now. Even though I have been single for a long time, I just wonder if there is a right person out there...
anyway.
thanks for reading.
Hi Rabit!! I do and don't believe there's that "right one"...in a sense I do, but the way it's worded, if, let's say, someone is widowed by that 'right one', it kinds of implies that's it, the one left behind won't ever find another companion, as they had that 'right one'. I think there are more possibilities than one. I highly reccommend to you Dr. Barbara DeAngelis' ARE YOU THE RIGHT ONE FOR ME? She'll give you characteristics to look for, warning signs, things that may be workable, and issues that should have you hightailing it out the door.
Don't settle...for example, things are going better now between me and Mr Sponge, but if I had been honest and not settled for at least one behavior that made me uncomfortable, I maybe could have met someone more compatible with me. I settled for smoking, which I HATE, and now I'm stuck with asthma. Good luck finding your possibilities or enjoying yourself single. Believe me you're better off single than in a toxic relationship.
I suppose that depends on your definition of "right one". Certainly people all have different ideas about everything in life, and even if you find someone with the same ideas that you have in life, it doesn't necissarily mean you will be compatible as dating partners. Sometimes, having different ideas about one thing or another can compliment each other when in a relationship. For example, if one person tends to worry too much and the other is a bit more laid back, the laid back person can help the worry wart relax when needed. On the other hand, the worry wart can sometimes help the person who is to laid back to see a potential situation. This all comes with good communication of course, but I guess my point is that I don't think there is only one right person for each of us. It's really a matter of degree and context in which one person may be right for another.
I've to agree with scot...
as per my personal opinion, everyone will get their right one, if they understand the following.
"life is nothing but give and take".
Raaj.
I to agree there is a right one but keep in mind, no relationship has all about fluffy clouds and bunny tells. shoot if that were so... hmm I ant sure what to think then. I mean buy my metafore, is that you will always find something that drives you up the wall that your partners does, say or by their actions. Now, can you get pass it and find the good in them. :) I bet I drive butterfly star up the wall with my online gamer side, shoot I would rather play an online game then watch a movie. heck that is me and she is different.
Personally, I think there isn't a "right one" in the sense of there being one perfect match in the world. I think that there are many people that one is compatible with and many they are not compatible with. The levels of compatibility and incompatibility can range from very minor things to major things. Also, most times, those people are not available at the present time. They may be engaged or married, may be a thousand miles away, one of you, or both of you, may have a career or college track that may prevent it from going ahead etc. So all of those things come into it I suppose. Love can be great, but, due to life being so complicated, we don't always get with the person we feel we should be with. I think that sometimes, you happen to find a good match, but the time just isn't right. In that case, hopefully there will be a point in the future that will be more conducive for a relationship. Finally, there is a lot of like and a lot of lust in humans, which is totally natural, but true love is a rare thing, so it's good to know what you're genuinly looking for. (Which is not always easy for one to figure out.)
I think there is a right persom out there for everyone. yes my husabnd does drive me up the wall with his geekyness and online gamer but we are different but we are happy. im sure i drive him up the wall with things i do.
it's possible there are 1000 or even 50000 right ones for each person out there. but with how ever many billion people on the planet what are the odds?? grin
I think it'd be quite limiting if a person had just one other person that was right for them. I mean, I understand the romanticism behind the notion, but I guess I'm more of a random chance sort of person and not one who believes there are forces outside of us that orchestrate our lives. Meh, I don't wanna be a puppet! LOL!
But see, these romanticized ideas that so emphasize dreams and ideals bother me anyhow, but that may have to be its own rant once I figure out how I want to say it.
that you do, and your flat out crushing me now butterfly star, I will not go into more details, just leave it at that girl.
the "right one" philosophy raises a lot of expectations, usually ones that no humanb can meet. The so-called self-help literature, usually better said as self-identify-as-helpless-and-blame-everybody-else literature, makes it sounds like the highest achievement in life is getting your needs met.
Hate to say it but it's true: this is in particular true for women. Women are getting cheated, because they are led to believe all they need do is 'train' a man to meet their needs. They end up divorced, miserable, playing the victim, and alone at 40.
The relationship, and your personal needs, are not all the responsibility of the other.
If you take responsibility for your own part, you'll make it work. Just like I don't necessarily believe love finds you if and only if you aren't looking for it. Some people get surprised by what they find: I was certainly like that. But I know people who find someone and they had been looking actively, so it's all a matter of perspective.
The key is to not have too high a set of expectations. People are human first.
No kidding. And if there was just one right person for every one the chances of running into him/her during your lifetime would be depressingly small.
I don't agree that there is one right person. I think that sometimes we are with people who aren't exactlay like us so that we can complement them and they can complement us.
My husband and I are right now in desperate need of a new vehicle, and we both have very different ideas about what that looks like what to spend, how to keep savings while still paying for a car, etc. The nice thing is that we are able to talk about it and maybe see about meeting in the middle. Sometimes I think that's more important than constantly being happy with that one RIGHT person.
I think if you do find that "right person", at least as the romantic definition would put it, you'd get bored after awhile. there should be some interests you don't share so that you can take a breather from each other once in awhile.
Not to mention being willing to do that and/or being with a partner who's also willing to do so. Because in my last relationship it had to be all about her.
Hmm. I like Kate's last post.
The wife and I are quite opposite in a myriad of ways, and yet we've been married near about 19 years, and plan to keep it that way.
Hell, my dad's parents were like that. One difference people were sure would end the marriage was the fact that she's Catholic and he was an ardent Lutheran. Yet they were married for just shy of fifty years at the time of his death in 2002. So different folks can be perfectly happy together if the right chemistry's there.
I think the internet has really changed things, as far as dating is concerned. A hundred years ago, the selection was much smaller. People found mister or miss right in their community or perhaps a neighboring community. Nowadays, our horizons have been greatly expanded. We aren't limited to searching within a few miles. People can talk to each other for free, even internationally. So, with so many other possibilities, we can definitely say there's more on the menu. Also, you can find a match that seems perfect at the time, but as you grow and learn, it's very posible that the two of you will grow in different directions, leaving each other behind and becoming strangers in the process.
Just my thoughts and ramblings on the subject.
Not only that but back then the parents had more hand in the lives of the couple as I understad it. The parents of one or both would support the couple for a year or two after they were married so they could build up their own finances and also get to know one another. So as I understand it fewer marriages ended in divorce.
If my mother weren't a psycho... that wouldn't be a bad idea. LOL
That's true. You probably couldn't use that kind of system nowadays.
it is good for being diffarent. i'm different then my partner. mdyer1983. he's diffarent then me. but it works for us.
I agree with those who have said there's more than one right person for everyone. When you're in a relationship, you're not thinking that the person is wrong for you, at least not in the beginning. At one point in time, the two of you are right for each other, no matter how badly the relationship ends.